Katy Perry Enjoys Girls, Cherry Chapstick

There’s not that much to say about the lyrics in Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” — even if it is the 1,000th No. 1 single of “the rock era.” We will say that they’re hands-down better than her previous hit, “Ur So Gay.” (Not a joke.)

BUT: As the millennial airwave-dominating hit, it deserves some attention, so let’s look at the chorus. (That’s the part with the kissing.)

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it

It felt so wrong, It felt so right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it

Anything stand out? Besides, you know, the kinda lesbian stuff?

How about “cherry chapstick.” Like in Coldplay’s “Strawberry Swing,” two bright words contrast with a field of nothingness.

Poetry or not, there’s something to be said about writing lyrics for pop music. The words need to have some sort of hook, whether it’s a flimsy, recognizeable cliche (“It felt so wrong / It felt so right”) or an incongruous, ear-catching word, like Nelly Furtado’s “Promiscuous.”

Kanye West knows this well, lining his hits with hooky repetition and similarly incongruous lines like “We want pre-nup!” Ol’ Dirty Bastard knew it too, making him a perfect complement to more verbose Clan members like Ghostface Killah.

Anyway, now we’re getting off topic. Here’s that song, one more time:

MP3: Katy Perry – “I Kissed a Girl”

The Critic’s Conundrum: What to Do With Coldplay?

No modern band has riled up the critics quite like Coldplay, especially given that its main crime is mediocrity. It would be one thing if Chris Martin and company were simply bad. The critics would write a two-star review and forget about it the next day. Instead, they see a talented band which refuses to meet expectations – its lyrics are too sappy, its music too derivative, its lead singer too effeminate.

The criticisms get repetitive, no matter how on-point they are. After all, Coldplay’s fourth album, Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends, offers an opportunity for critics to notice how much the band has changed. On the surface, the reviews have been good, as the 73 score on Metacritic attests. However, a closer look reveals that many are half-hearted recommendations.

In the A.V. Club, Keith Phipps writes:

Martin’s heart-on-his-sleeve lyrics won’t win over any doubters, but tracks like the title cut and “Lost!” should keep the hits coming, and the rest of the album will please fans hoping to hear the band push its sound a little further. But not, you know, too far.

Phipps gave the album a B+, the third-most positive review on Metacritic, yet it’s hardly a ringing endorsement. For all the band’s improvements, Phipps still focuses on Martin’s lyrical simplicity and the music’s general safeness. Notice the qualifiers, the use of the words “but” and “should.” It’s almost as if it pains him to say Viva is any good.

Phipps is not the only one to offer lukewarm praise in place of real criticism. Evan Sawdey’s review for Popmatters is practically an exercise in lowered expectations. He praises Viva for being “the least Coldplay-sounding album in the band’s discography” but then adds a ridiculously obvious caveat:

Admittedly, the band isn’t indulging in speed-metal shred-fests or cranking out a country album—this is Coldplay we’re talking about after all. Viva, instead, exhibits an enthusiasm and flat-out love of music that was virtually absent from X&Y.

No one ever asks why speed-metal or country acts don’t sound like Coldplay, but in this case, it seems fine to make this review about what the band isn’t as opposed to what it is. In addition, “enthusiasm” and “love of music” are basically nice ways of saying “well, at least they tried.”

The most predictable part of any Coldplay review is a discussion of Martin’s lack of lyrical prowess, and here Sawdey doesn’t disappoint:

Yes, Martin is still relying heavily on cliché (the “December/remember” rhyme scheme is another standby that pops up this go-round), but his rehashed sentiments withstand scrutiny far better than the clunky wording that bogged down tracks like “Fix You” and “Talk.” Martin promised that his lyrics would get better, and though he’s still not on the creative level that Matt Berninger and Will Sheff occupy, he ultimately makes good on his claim.

Noticing a pattern yet? Coldplay is not a speed-metal band. It’s not a country band. It’s not The National, and it’s not Okkervil River. All these comparisons don’t really reveal anything. Comparison is an important tool, but only when the things you’re comparing are on the same level. You might as well compare Martin to a wooden board (actually, I’m pretty sure someone already has).

While Coldplay’s relationship with critics may be unique, the underlying problems are shared by many veteran bands. Critics love young bands and debut albums because they offer a sense of discovery, but by the time a band releases its fourth album, critics have a difficult time finding anything new to say about them. Whether you like or dislike a band, your reasons for doing so usually stay the same.

With Coldplay, critics have good reason to reiterate their past grievances – the band has become massively popular in spite of them. To critics, the idea of a band like Coldplay becoming successful is troubling because it destroys their roles as gatekeepers.

When a band like Coldplay succeeds, these critics are given a difficult decision. Do you change your original opinion, or do you stay with what you originally said and decry their popularity? In this case, they’ve done neither. Instead, they’ve managed to give the band positive reviews while holding onto their past verdict, and the results have been confusing. Is this album good? So far, it seems that the critics have answered with a qualified “yes,” though their hearts don’t really seem to be into it.

Frightened Rabbit and Romance on The Midnight Organ Fight

Much of the subject matter Frightened Rabbit’s record The Midnight Organ Fight involves breakups, failed love, and self-loathing, like any good album from a group of bitter Scots. (Note the brazen sexual metaphor of the phrase “organ fight.”) “The Twist” is one of the record’s sweetest sour notes, as singer Scott Hutchison braids his usual fermenting outlook with romantic wonder.

The song starts on a stifling dance floor, moisture gathering on the dancers’ arms and upper lips. “Lift your dress enough to show me those shins / Let your hair stick to your forehead,” Hutchison sings, and it sounds like a filthy line lifted out of a David Banner song, then passed through Belle and Sebastian’s tweeification machine. All he’s asking for is a glimpse of lower leg; he doesn’t even mind the mussed-up bangs.

Did you blush then when our hips touched?
I can’t tell, you’re already red
Am I right? You give me the signs
Is that pink mist or just lit dry ice

With this pair of questions, Hutchison backs away from the girl even further, like a flirting schoolboy caught peeking across the room. Meanwhile the “pink mist” is a bit of romantic fancy, even a little My Little Pony. It’s all the more surprising considering Hutchison’s usual malaise — this is a guy who, in the song “Poke,” wonders, “Should we kick its cunt in and watch as it dies from bleeding?”

By the end of the song, he’s finally introduced himself (“I’m David, please”), though he doesn’t mind if she gets the name wrong. As the dancing builds, the song twirls away with the refrain, a plea hanging in the air: “I need human heat.”

MP3: Frightened Rabbit – “The Twist”

Hip-Hop Wisdom: Shaquille O’Neal – “Tell Me How My Ass Tastes”

TMZ reports that Shaquille O’Neal has added yet another accolade to his illustrious mantle: A Kobe Bryant dis rap joins his repertoire of four hip-hop records, a string of feature films, and one god-awful video game. Oh, and four NBA championships.

The hook, as Shaq reminds us for half of the 2-minute clip, is “Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes.” Our guess is something like that fluorescent Gatorade-sweat fluid that oozes out of players in the commercials. But the song’s not half bad. We like the line:

Ain’ t nobody in the world do it bigger than me
That’s like a white boy trying to be more nigga than me

Though we wonder who wrote it. Word is, Diddy has some pretty good ghostwriters in his Rolodex, so maybe Shaq called up his famous neighbor for a hand.

We could tell you more, about how Shaq Diesel went platinum (!) and reference that “shit is real” line from Notorious B.I.G.’s “Gimme the Loot,” why waste words? Video of the Kobe dis — and that music video with the giant cellphone — after the jump.

“Strawberry Swing”: Coldplay Gets Better, 2 Words at a Time

“Strawberry Swing,” off Coldplay’s new Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends, embodies the stripped-down minimalism Brian Eno was meant to bring to the bloated bombast-pushers. For poetic prowess, Chris Martin’s lyrics still wouldn’t pass muster in most 12th grade lit classes, but that one phrase — “strawberry swing” — that makes the song.

They were sitting
They were sitting in the strawberry swing
Every moment was so precious

It’s two simple words and a little alliteration, but they’re just uncommon enough, incongruous enough, to ring pleasantly. And the rhythm of the syllables gives a whimsical triplet lilt:

STRAW – berr – y   SWING

That’s Coldplay: mild, pleasant, catchy.

Go ahead, say it — I’m giving Martin too much credit. Maybe so (though not that much credit). But look at these flaccid lyrics from “Speed of Sound,” the lead single from X&Y:

How long before I get in?
Before it starts, before I begin?
How long before you decide?
Before I know what it feels like?
Where To, where do I go?
If you never try, then you’ll never know.
How long do I have to climb,
Up on the side of this mountain of mine?

Eight lines, and only one noun. Mountain. The rest is pronouns and abstract nothingness — I, feel, begin, decide. What’s he beginning? What feels like what? Where did this effing mountain come from?

So Chris Martin: Well done, honest. With Eno at your back, you’re back to creating pretty melodies, and on “Strawberry Swing,” you show the wisdom to stay out of their way.

MP3: Coldplay – “Strawberry Swing”